Recently, I was asked whether I’d have any advice to impart to my two sons (currently aged 2 and 5 months old) when they are older. This had me thinking for a while, as I had written some things down in a journal but I hadn’t taken the time to build something more comprehensive.
Originally I just had some nonsense such as "how to watch the Star Wars films in the correct sequence" or “there is only one Matrix film”, but I decided to take it seriously as well.
Kids are a fickle lot. I do remember, to some degree, what I was like when I was a teenager (and younger) so the number one thing to consider is that they don’t listen much. Therefore, you have to keep the list as short as practical, and assume that they’ll only take some of it to heart.
Honestly, I hope my sons are smarter, wiser and more mature than I was when I was younger (isn’t that the dream?) and that they take the following to heart:
Rob’s pearls of wisdom for his sons
1. Know yourself, be yourself
You can’t really change who you are and be honest with yourself at the same time. We all have limitations, and the sooner you get comfortable with who you are and what you’re capable of, the better. Being someone you’re not is self-defeating, no matter how good an actor you are. This extends also to “don’t worry about things you can’t control” – i.e. identify your limits, and only worry about what you can realistically change.
2. Remember there’s always more than one side to a story
This is a good life lesson – the take-away here is to not always take things at face value, and realise that context is important.
3. There’s no such thing as a perfect lie
When you lie there’s a good chance you’ll get found out. In other words, it’s broadly better to be honest and face consequences earlier.
The thicker the web of lies becomes the tougher the consequences – and the more likely you are to be caught out. You reputation is hard hard thing to control, once it gets ruined it can be very hard to repair.
4. Honesty is a virtue, but it’s not always tactful
Having said that, honestly is not always the best policy either. Total honesty can be brutal, so it’s important to gauge tact when answering questions such as: “does my bum look big in this?”.
5. Be fair, but remember that others may not be
It’s good to deal honestly with people, but equally important to realise that not everybody does.
6. Don’t go looking for a fight, but if you end up in one, choose the battleground
Fights can be unavoidable, but where you get involved in one matters.
In this case, it’s better to entertain the fight on your own terms. Don’t start a fight, but if you get in one – finish it.
7. Most people respect strength and decisiveness, but respond to collaboration
You can be decisive and respect other people’s opinions at the same time. The key is not to get bogged down in a democracy if you are the decision maker; get multiple inputs, then make a decision. Stand by your decisions, whether they turn out to be right or wrong, and learn from both equally.
8. Listen twice as much as you talk
You learn a great deal by letting people talk, yet you can’t be mute all the time. My advise is to use the ratios physically given to you – two ears, one mouth – and listen twice as much as you talk.
9. Don’t dwell on the past
It’s easy to dwell on what you didn’t do well in the past, but it keeps you from exploring the future. It’s important to learn from the past, so long as it doesn’t prevent you from moving forward.
10. Don’t assume everyone has your best intentions at heart
This is a bit of “stranger danger” right here – some people can be genuinely friendly and giving, but you can’t assume everyone you meet will be.
11. Be open to opportunities, but do your research and don’t wait for opportunities to find you
This is a life long journey for me – the pursuit of adventure has lead me to living overseas, and experiencing a great deal the world has to offer. However, opportunity rarely serves itself up on a silver platter, you have to be open to opportunities for them to eventuate. This means being proactive at times and pursuing things. “Can’t” is not the same as “choose not to”.
..and finally..
12. You only live once
Unfortunately this has become a tacky catch phrase online, but it still rings true. Assuming there’s only life and nothing else, take advantage of the now and seize the day.
Bonus pearl of wisdom:
13. Don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself
Don’t take life too seriously. If you can’t laugh at yourself, you’re doing it wrong. If that fails, go have laugh with Craig and Dave